The day before

day before getting first ever tattoo. 16.9.13
I just realised that tonight is a really good time to write as a journal.  My own journey of getting to where I am and the day before this kind of initiation
ritual I guess.  It's been a long time since I had the idea of wanting to get a tattoo.  I guess it was around April when I first moved here. Speaking to others about
tattoos and reading that book which was really good saying about initiation, individuality, rites of passage etc.  Then there were the less positive ones about boredon etc.
It was all about that phase I went through really in becoming Vegan, the whole dark night of the soul etc then coming through.  It has been the most major ones of
those in my life. I've never felt so strongly about something social before.
I feel the design really suits me and brings together a lot.  I love the labyrinth and the sun.  I can't imagine anything more appropriate and more me.  It's good to that
it's not so fixed like saying a word or something.  I'm getting a feeling now like I'm really changing and this is part of me carrying on being the new me.  I feel I
really have thought about it a lot.  Last night i was feeling quite charged as I thought about it in also thinking of the sun as an aries symbol too. so it's the labyrunth
as the life journey, making that best possible effort etc and that showing how much the soul develops. that's really great and has to be what I stand for in terms of
something really positive in relation to all of life which is great and can't be beaten really. it will always mean something to who i am. the looking in and centreing and
finding the best way.  part of all my pd with amanda, course etc.
then theres the sun which shows death, birth, revirth etc.  what ive been through and what ill continue to go through.  i came through the dark night well.  then
theres the 7 bigger rays showing the 7 chakras and reminding me of the other sun symbol of the healing arts and love of peace. it shoudl look pretty well on its
own.  i do feel ill be more me with  it.
im in a place now whereas im very much walking a walk and i dont know where its taking me but i know im heading towards greater spiritual fulfillment. like i have to keep
cultivating and personally developing with all these ideas i have now.
so this will be an expression of me individually, my rite of passage to being more me. somehow i feel ill feel more manly with it than without it. i could go on
about modifying the design but that would be over thinking.  i feel as sure about it as i possibly can be and it's one of those things now i know is the way forward
and it would just be fear stopping me. its not a bad decision. if it is in reterospect then i know that right now i operated from the best possible level of consciousness
i could and that i am an aware person at this time.
it is like entering a relationship or getting married. it could go wrong but you do your best at the time.  i will move through this and use that symbol through
my life. i hope i can have a love relationship with it on my body and it can grow old with me as a friend said about hers. i do feel the potential love for it now and
want to really carry that on as a commitment as cheesy as it sounds.  i'll write again tomorrow after i get it.
thinking back to of the last year since april 2012. so much with running and Tao group, all my new connections and coming throuh al the nasty D situation , all the houses
change and now to now and feeling pretty damm good and even stopping drinking maybe. its cool to have the feeling of wanting a tattoo and to be following it through.
i know it would onlyt be fear stopping me. i am excited and nervous. that fair feeling i guess.